Did I ever tell you I worked at a tanning salon while in college? So that would be 17 years ago? I was SO smart. SO in charge. SO mature....
Well, I'd like to tell you a story about something that happened to me recently. It could be a story about triumphing over adversity - and while I did LEARN from this experience - the ending isn't necessarily "happy". Not unless you like prawns.
Recently, when my school district was having a mid-winter vacation, (a long weekend bookended by two longer vacations), I decided to spend some quality time concentrating on my family, my house, my faith, and myslef – not necessarily in that order. I started off at the store and purchased a bottle of hair color – just to make my own a little darker. While reading the packages, I discovered that I would need to buy the one “for color-resistant grays”. Whatever. I’m a big girl. I can handle the jab.
Then, later that night, I thought it would be fun to go tanning. I was planning to attend a wedding the following weekend, and I was feeling the winter blahs, so what better way to address both of these then to go sit in a “circle of frying light”. The girls who were working were nice. They were in their early 20’s – I think. They had the same shape as a girl age 14, but seemed to have stuffed their fronts with grapefruits. One of these nice girls took me on a tour of the facilities. She started me off in a room with an “ancient” tanning bed (which looked a LOT like the newer model of the ones at the salon I worked at in college). She explained that the problems with these – old – beds is that they only tan the first layer of skin and that the tan comes right off the first time you shave your legs. I didn’t think that would be too much of a problem, seeing how I shave my legs about once a month, but then she started talking about the UVA and the UVB and the UVQ’s that cause the skin to burn. Wow. It’s a wonder we ever made it out of the 80’s alive. Then she took me to the next bed up. What a beautiful and inviting bed. It looked much more comfortable, and was not covered in cobwebs. This bed – it seems – does not have the UV’s that cause a burn. PLUS they tan the third layer of skin, so that the effect lasts much longer. She even raised up her shirt and showed me the spot on her belly (I think it was her belly – It was about as flat as my friend Mark’s high altitude pancakes) were she had put a sticker TWO WEEKS AGO and it still looked like a super cute, um, bunny… Well, this certainly seemed the bed for me and I didn’t even really pay attention to the description of their top of the line bed – there was something about the liner of the bed forming to the shape of your body and the light itself refreshing the body mind and spirit. I think the real turn off though was the $40 per session.
So we went to the front table and the older of the girls (her birthday is 6 months before the other) had me fill out some paperwork, initial a couple “disclaimer” sections, and pick out my favorite of the $75 lotions (she was giving me a free sample). She then looked at me and said “you look like you have a good base tan so I think…” I interrupted her right then and said “this is not a base. This is PALE. I haven’t seen the sun since August - and even then I was wearing a mumu”. She thought then that I should only spend 9 minutes in the 12 minute bed. I decided to take her word for it – she was in charge and besides, this bed tans the third layer of skin and never burns.
I enjoyed myself in the tanning bed. It felt good to have some peace and quiet for 9 minutes. When the session ended I looked in the mirror and thought – well, that really did work. I have some color. Cool.
So I went to bed that night and woke up at two am with the strangest sensation. It was like something down deep was trying to claw it’s way out. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. What I saw could best be described in OPI language. Not so much a “Red Rock n’ Roll”, but really more of a “Cajun Shrimp”. On pretty much 90% of my body. I took 4 advil, drank 2 glasses of water, and covered myself with my friend April’s super awesome after sun aloe vera gel, and tried to crawl back into bed. There are a few reasons we don’t use flannel sheets in the summer – and last night I discovered one of them.
So it seems the bad news is that just this morning I realized that I am no longer at the young end of “people in charge”. That now the middle school girls I used to have in my class are in positions of authority. The good news is that even though they are in these positions, they are still full of cr@p. And I look like a cooked decapod crustacean three layers down so I would be able to remind myself of this realization every time I looked in the mirror - for at least the next two weeks.
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