The Firsts

I'm going through a divorce. And it sucks. I think that's all I need to say about that... so ---> moving on.

One thing that is really interesting though is experiencing all these "first times". This weekend I'm at a church retreat with my mom and all my girlfriends from Mt. View. We're in La Conner. This is my third year to attend - but this time is SO, I don't know, new? I'm reading things I wrote this time last year - and spending some time by myself. My life has become so different in the past 12 months and yet I can't believe I didn't see this coming. My words of encouragement to myself last year were "Hang in there" and "you are a strong woman" and "keep a smile on your face and continue to be the mother your boys deserve". Wow.

Here were some other crazy "firsts"...

• Ferry boat ride to the San Juans - I was wearing this crazy awesome poofy dress.  Did you know that the "Marilyn Monroe Wardrobe Malfunction" is a real thing?  Especially on the deck of a ferry?

• Wedding - I loved being there to celebrate Brian and Becky's wedding but it would have been a good idea to a) not go by myself and b) go to a couple TEST weddings first before attending one where the bride and I share a name

• My birthday - The boys and I celebrated during the week. They got me fuzzy slippers and a robe which I LOVE. I decided not to stress out about that part of the day and I took the initiative to drag them to the mall and say... go pick out something you think mommy would enjoy. It was perfect. Then I spent the weekend with a girlfriend and went to a formal dinner one night and an intimate dinner the next.

• Buying furniture... oh my gosh that was so so so much fun! I sat in the chair for an hour and a half ON THE PHONE because it needed a test run! PLUS I had been visiting the chair for almost 2 months. I had forgotten how much I LOVE to plan! And it's not like it's some antique king sized haunted million dollar investment. It's just an orange (perfect) swivel (naturally) rocking (why wouldn't it be) bucket seat.

• Beauty - so all the things that girls do to prettify themselves. This has been interesting. Why get a haircut? Why shave my legs? Why paint my toes? Why ... well, you get the picture. WHY? Because I'm doing it for ME. Girls... feel beautiful for yourself. Holy crap.

• Halloween/4th of July - these have never been my favorite days - for reasons I refuse to go into now (buy the book). So this year... I ignored them. YEP. Totally ignored. I didn't tell anyone I was ignoring them - but I knew what I was doing and I loved it.

What I am learning now is that all of these "firsts" are going to happen - and I can either be afraid of them - or turn them into some sort of adventure. Sometimes it works - and other times I get hit with a GIANT wave of sadness. But what I know for sure is all of these "firsts" need to happen. Thanksgiving? I'm ready. Christmas? Bring it on!


Next time I'll write about how I survived the plane crash on my way to France.
xoxo.